17 Again...and Again...and Again

I finally watched "17 Again"....again. It's been months, but I'm glad to find out it's just as funny as it was the first time! Here are the quotes I took from it:

Naomi: "Come on, you'll do great. You've got the butt of a twelve year old boy."

Mike: "Would you stop staring at me?"
Ned: "It's freaking me out."
Mike: "It's freaking ME out! I'm pubescent!"

Ned: "Okay so it's a classic transformation story. It appears in the literature time and time again. Were you at any point shot by a gamma ray?"
Mike: "No."
Ned: "Exposed to gamma radiation?"
Mike: "NO, Ned."
Ned: "Because...you wouldn't see it. That eliminates these and those and most of that side. Are you now or have you ever been a Norse god, vampire, or time-traveling cyborg?"
Mike: "I've known you since, what, first grade? I think maybe I would have TOLD you."
Ned: "A vampire wouldn't tell. A cybog wouldn't know."
Mike: "Just shut up."

Ned: "What is this you're wearing?"
Mike: "This is cool. This is hip. I have a picture of Kevin Federline wearing the exact same thing."
Ned: "I don't know who that is."
Mike: "What are you wearing? I told you show up like a dad. You look like Clay Aiken."

Mike: "Are you sure these look legit?"
Ned: "Oh yeah. Look who you're talking to. I'm the guy who invented the software that prevents people from stealing music. I also invented the software that helps people steal music, but that's a happy coincidence."

Ned: "I think our hands just made a baby."

Ned: "Did you see her undress me with her eyes?"
Mike: "I don't think that's what that was."

Ned: "We're going shopping."
Mike: "Really?"
Ned: "Yeah. Your shirt is bedazzled."
Mike: "Bedazzled with rhinestones."

Jaime: "If that boy were an apple, he'd be a Delicious."

Mike: "According to leading psychiatrists, Stan's a bully for one of three reasons. One: Underneath all of that male bravado there's a little girl banging on the door of the closet trying to get out. Two: Like a caveman, Stan's brain is underdeveloped. Therefore, Stan is unable to use self-control. And so he acts out aggressively. And the third reason: Stan has a small wiener."

Mike: “He’s right. I don’t need one. You know why I don’t need one? Because there’s no one I’m in love with. It’s called “making love,” isn’t it? Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I think that means you do it with someone you love. And preferably when you’re married. You know, when you’re ready to take that love and turn it into a baby. Because that’s what love is. It’s that first moment when you hold your baby girl and you didn’t know that anything could be small or so delicate. And you feel that tiny heart beat and you know that you couldn’t love anything more in the whole world. And you hope that you can do right by that little girl and always be there to catch her when she falls, and that nothing ever hurts her, not a broken arm or a bad dream or a broken heart.”

Ned: "Busted for fighting. Nice. Who won?"
Mike: "You know, it was actually pretty even."
Ned: "Really? On YouTube it kinda looked like you got your ass kicked. I saw it a couple times."

Mike: "What are you wearing?"
Ned: "Hm? Beckham."
Mike: "No, what?"
Ned: "Oh, the clothes. Oh, right. To the untrained eye, I look like a total idiot."
Mike: "You do, in fact."

Alex: "Do you dance with all your friends' moms?"
Mike: "Pretty much."

Mike: "Carnations. What a douche bag."

Mike: "If you girls don't respect yourselves, then how do you expect anyone else to respect you?"
Jaime: "You don't have to respect me."
Lauren: "No, you don't have to respect ME."
Samantha: "You don't even have to remember my name."
Lauren: "Wow, that's slutty."
Mike: "This is some other dad's problem."

Mike: "You might have to meet a few more jerks. But one day you're going to meet a boy who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Like the sun rises and sets with you."

Maggie: "Are you confused?
Mike: "I am very confused, yes. Extremely confused."
Maggie: "Oh, my god. I get it now. And your hair is always perfectly coiffed and you have highlights."
Mike: "What are you talking about?"
Maggie: "I mean, dude, your jeans are REALLY tight."
Mike: "I'm not gay!"

Jane: "I am the principal, and I cannot be seen with my students' parents."
Ned: "But, Jane, how can you be seen with me when I'm wearing...a cloak of invisibility? Jane, all I'm asking is a chance for us to be friends. Because you're the one I want by my side when I'm storming the Elvish Castle of Ganakinesh."
Jane: "You can plunder my dungeon any time."
Ned: "I'll bring my long-bow."